The Young Dreamer...

The boy silently pondered to himself, where did he see himself in the future

Thoughts a little premature for a mere baby,

but the thoughts of the satisfaction of success were long over due

He was born with a winning mentality, which was instilled within the brain of his

What a lucky child he was but he never knew it

He woke up sometimes in a daze, sheets soaked in a cold sweat

Asked while he rocked back and forth

How can everything that I've dreamt be made real

That's a question I guess he struggled with

As he sat up with a universal question that went answered,

but little did he know what a star he was

 He cried out for comfort, asked again

How do I stay motivated with all problems that I face on a daily basis

What problems does a mere boy have society responded

The voice that echoed though out the room

Everyone has problems, his reply short yet O so sweet just like him

That gives a whole new meaning to 1st person

He stared at the reflection in the mirror,

As the lights from his window, captured his line of thought

Play times over for myself he guessed, 

It was time for him to realize that he was in the process of becoming a fully-fledged adult

He gritted his teeth, pulled up his pyjama bottoms.

Thought to himself, Its time to take my place among the many others

Full in line, Full in rank, but realize I can take charge of myself

As in the end I'm a one man army

I have my own individual battles when there is nobody around me

I can speak for myself, use my mouth as a weapon, take aim, let loose, and fire.

There's a gradual change afoot but I want to remain the same.......BANG

Stay grounded with the true people around me........BANG

Never lose sight of my goal.........BANG

Grow to be the best man that I can be.........BANG

I want to banish the feeling of regret forever.........BANG

A silence fell in the room, as the lad still in deep thought

Thought to himself again

How do I stay motivated to do this, what’s my incentive?

My incentive is probably to feel that I have been successful, when I actually look back on life

To know that I have lived to my full potential

No regrets as the pain is only a formality for some

I hope to look back as I pass my knowledge that I have gained to those around me

Use the satisfaction of helping others as my medals,

Take pride with a smile for myself

He felt a hand on his shoulder, realized he was not alone on his journey

He was joined by his father at the window

As the last ember from the fireworks fell, he told himself,

That he didn't want his dreams to be put out with it

Happy New Year Everybody 

Besides The Banter...

He stood alone as life stood in the distance,

 and poked a finger in his side and ridiculed him

There's a clear divide between the man and his goals

He failed to realize them, he joked a lot, maybe to escape the pain of life

He laughed with others with a coherent vigour as they shared his pain

They held the same dream.

They laughed together caught up in the whirlwind of humorous thought

The pain sometimes so bad they nicknamed it Dorothy, as they dreamt to enter Oz

They failed to recognize the world around them for what it was

They failed sometimes to understand lied beneath

Preoccupied their minds with the crust, failing to establish the powers of the core

The living breathing heart of the world

That item that the sad tin man wished he had

What took him so long to speak out and,

Have the courage to deliver his views, to demonstrate the pride of a lion.

What was the reason behind the delay?

As he waited too long, until his wits end, his last straw, to set up a movement.

As he felt stagnant standing as a scarecrow,

With the crows picking at the brain he thought he had.

By the end of his journey he was given more knowledge then he thought that pre-existed,

Within the confines of his mind.

His eyes shut, his eyes open, fixed upon a new found goal

As he stands still his minds fucked by the world.

Anything’s possible within the world with thought,

"So let the magic happen" he said

He let down his sleeves but still he decided to work and

put in the graft as he was defiantly no wizard

Life's short think about it,

Munchkin this

Why are you not moving, living, enjoying,

But why don't you talk about the pain of the world...

Only Up From Here On In...

I've started to think happy thoughts,

Look at my mind as a white room as the pain of regret should be minimal.

I stand alone and face the grand size of the mansion of my mind.

My mind looks through two window panes to allow me to construct thought.

The heart is where the home is, so my loves lost deep within my minds maze.

The garden of creation, do I think too much or is there more to be thought.

 I don't think I possess the ability to access some parts of my brain.

I view myself as having house of knowledge, but you stand outside and think the house is a derelict abode.

How wrong, why not step in as the facade hides what lies beneath

Remember as one door closes another opens

Don't dwell on the short comings, as there is a long road ahead.

I rather take my house with me and rise up in the clouds of my imagination...

The Regret Of An Old Man...

I was a man that couldn't be in love, as I still don't know what true love is. Was I heartless? Or is there a space left to be filled? What was the definition of romance? I picked the roses not for her but for another, as the latter was the inspiration in my life. My mother was my everything. She was jealous of this, I was seduced by her, and she acted as my temptress as she was forever in the forefront of my mind.

I couldn't get everything I wanted out of her. I want now to forget about her so I can finally be free. I think I loved her; I was intoxicated with every new thought. Let me confide something in whoever is reading this, sometimes when she wore a particular red dress, I can admit she made my hair stand on end. I always questioned her "why you silent when many say that you talk?" She was always the silent girl within the class; it seemed to everyone that she was lost for words.

She was shy but I could see her worth, I knew she was smarter than that. I remember saying  " you gonna make me think I'm crazy please talk, say something so I can openly admit my love, why can’t you muster a reply, where’s the appreciation for everything that I have done for you." I remember the hard work and long hours I put in for her, I get it now sadly, and she used me like she used many others. I was just another conquest, another victim forever love struck with all roads leading to heartbreak.

As I retail my story let’s take it back and take a leaf from the story of eve, the Garden of Eden, the creation. How I wished one day to start a family , wished for a boy or girl that looked up to me as a role model, to be given a new name dad, as my birth name would be no more. I hoped to be given a new purpose within life, as it required me living and breathing for another. That's true love in my eyes, let me be the first one to admit, I was blind preoccupied by getting ahead chasing the tails of the girls, the same girls who bit back to crush the souls of the weak funny enough.

Let me note down what I have really accomplished in this life now. I left everything to chance, you could say I flipped a coin every day, I still get the feeling that me and her thought a like. I used to walk in the snow for her, I used to be woken in the early hours for her, even said at one point of my life she was above everything, cut off everyone around me. In my old age as death awaits me I can realize now I was so naive to think she could have satisfied me.

I actually now think she didn't hold all the answers, but she’s made me a better man. I can now use the relationship I once had as a learning curve, but god damn she had a figure in her heyday. She’s no longer my number one; she can be just another number searching for value. The care worker is about to bring in my afternoon meal, so finally the chase is over, she cost me everything, she distracted me from what was really important. I had family and friends and that's something no money could have never bought. The way of the world taught me when she called, I should answer. As I lived in hope for a better life....but I hope I can show to whoever who’s reading this that money doesn't necessarily guarantee happiness...

Living Colour...

When I sit and watch the sunset, I know you watch it too,

Just from another viewpoint you watch it too

When I wake to run my bath

You make your way to the river as I you just to wash too

As I decide what to eat for breakfast

You eat what is given I know you’re hungry too

As I clothe my skin in the latest fashions

You make do you just want to be warm too

I’m given the chance of better education

If only u had it too

My worries focus on sex, girls and money

If you were in my position would you think like me too?

The culture that consumes me excites you

You would probably literally kill to be in my position too

I care about number one call me a hustler

But your selfless head of a family at 15 you think of your brothers and sisters too

At the end of the day I think I envy you

As you enjoy the basics of life I wonder who’s in a better position me or you

You smile I smile I’m proud to be black I know you are too

Knowing that you’re black should make you have no limits

I'm a product of the western world but I would rather be like you

The Confession of A Damned Soul...

Leave your message after the beep...

Big man in the sky hope you realize I strive to be a better man

As I formally apologize for all my wrong doings

Looking up to my mother, who taught me to never bring pain to a woman

Helpless to see her struggle

Looking at her when she’s wondering if she’s gonna bring home the gains of a woman

Let’s pray together the high stays,

Sit back take a view up to the skies

But sometimes the true beauty lies in the trees man

I wasn't supposed to say that forgive,

But my man you made it the only way

Still in the sky with the smoke of the clouds,

Questioning the limits of a man

My man what would happen if tomorrows judgement day,

Would you accept the figure of a sinner?

Is there love in the heart to forgive me?

Because you’re depicted as being all lovable

Sometimes it feels you seek revenge,

And try to hit the nail to my head instead my man

What happen to your hands?

Why won’t you put them forward?

Are you haunted by the memory?

When I was young you gave me a hug,

So give me the love back my man

I haven't heard from you for a minute

Some gonna say you've always been there,

But there the same ones who suffer from hypocrisy

Why you forget my name my man?

You suffer from amnesia my man?

Or have you been busy helping everybody else

Or you been busy doing something else

My man I called you on Tuesday,

Why didn't you pick up?

Are you scared of me?

Or are you scared to make an awkward ice breaker?

Are you lost for words my man?

Or can’t you recognize me?

Talk up because right now seems your whispering to me,

When you find your voice I'm here

I can’t talk because I'm busy right now

My man it’s my time to be ...busy

Message deleted...

I Cant Laugh At Her Pain...

Inspiration taken from a Kevin Hart joke

Picked my target imma get mines today...Alright, Alright, Alright

No love,

Just pleasure,

We struggled,

Spread legs,

4 pokes,

No dom,

2 nuts,

No screams,

All night......imma get mines today.... Alright, Alright, Alright

shes hurt,

I’m fine,

She bleeds,

I run,

She cries,

I smile,

She never commits,

I forget,

She struggles,

I enjoy,

Suicide,

But I survive damn rape aint a joke...Alright, Alright Alright

Epiphany...

Let me take timeout away from blogging my thoughts to thank you for taking time out to read my blog, as most of what’s written represents the rambles of a crazy man. I live in a world filled with cynics and critics, but usually I’m the first one to express negative views on my own work. As I’m writing I've noticed there’s a difference within my writing, as contrasts can be said to be seen from the beginning to the present. I read back through my own work quite a bit, in an attempt to understand myself a little bit more. I actually find my earlier entries a little too depressing. I appreciate the change that I can see. As it marks gradual steps within my own development, as I come to terms with the inner workings of my mind. Sometimes it just takes a simple blow to gain an appreciation of the mind. I’m thankful that I can think, as without my mind I’m nothing...Within a world that struggles for difference as the man on the left a carbon copy to the man on the right. When people change, I remain the same...F*** evolution because I got faith I will succeed. I can never question my drive it’s a simple no brainer. Look at failure as no biggie because thought only starts with a small idea, as the lazy within society stand and watch with their eyes loosely, as others move with word and freedom of thought to use to breed inspiration…

The Arctic Circle...

It takes a great leader to take a step back for something he believes in...It takes a strong wolf to recognize the time to deviate from a pack, he shows distance from the pack, but stays away with a heavy heart....There's no love lost within the cold arctic winds if it already existed...Its a cold world as were driven by the hands of fate screaming MUSH...when will the journey end only time will tell, as the journey in front sometimes appears endless...I don't do friends in this world, only here for my bloodline which I extend to some who are not blood related...I welcome you into my family with open arms, because we chase the same dream and will run together until the end...Only death will separate us , if I ride with you, just letting you know I'm willing to lie with you...... as we come from the same wolf pack that howls together to ease the pain

Lets Rip The Runway...

I hopped out my bed turned my swag on looked out the window and said “damn well aint that a  b**** why’s it raining”

Back to bed I remembered dis one summer, dis one chick

I had my snapback on I’m finally a cool kid

You would have laughed to see how quick my neck snapped to watch her back

“Ayo shawty” so what if I got air I still got my Jordan’s on

Limited edition I’m need of a crep check so grab a camera freeze frame

But as I pose and stand still life continues

As I sweat for free in my Gucci I think about you in the shop in Taiwan you had to sweat for your money

You had to sweat to eat thinking about your next meal what a fucked reality

So I’m here thinking about a trip to NY, Paris, Milan the fine ass models

As you rip the catwalk how much kids in this world are looking to run way

Abused at 12 alcoholic step fathers, bully’s at school no place to go

And sometimes the main concern in this western world is how much name brands you want to show

I’m comfortable in my own skin but I won’t tell a lie I don’t step foot in Primark

I like to splash a little but my fashion obsession isn’t that deep

Thoughts of 14 years or so back and how my mum raised me

Single mum flat in south London I took what I was given

Now I’m caught up in society thinking about how I’m going to sustain the dream of higher living

Sometimes you don’t just have to look at labels because personally

If you have got one monclear jacket doesn’t necessarily mean that you have gone clear

But trust me I won’t knock your hustle it’s a nice coat an very expensive too

Just be thankful its worst in some parts of the world

Hip Hop Bigger Then Religion...

Hip Hop can offer the same beauty as a flock of birds within formation, but the ugly truth is it will never be truly accepted within British culture. As the powers that be try to stifle the growth of a community, thus belittling one of the most common art forms of expression. Can Hip Hop really be talked in the same breath as religion; sometimes word through rap can offer those who are not religious hope. Hip Hop allows conversion to those who are willing to accept, with no preference over skin colour or heritage as Hip Hop welcomes all. Joy can be felt as we sit back and listen to the rhymes off the rappers hymn sheets. Loose demonic Associations within rap exists but I think it’s a myth, as if religion failed to exist all that we would be hearing is music. Listening in for the calm purity, listening for clarity after every verse and hook. To Tell the honest truth not only Hip Hop but music has the ability the power to shape the world, it leaves its mark on the eternal fabric of time once were dead and gone. Hip Hop is typically surrounded by controversy but that’s the stuff it thrives off to allow to it to live, as without controversy there would be no sales. Take for example no church in the wild taken from the joint album by Jay z and my dude Kanye, it has served its purpose to enthral the masses. My last thought think of a concert as church filled to the brim as the crowd throw adulation to our modern day preachers, as they deliver the divine will of their life's through hip-hop. Some artists deviate from their true testimonies, this leaves the interpretations on the topic of hip-hop open ended. As Hip Hop always has a dark side which has the ability to alter the minds of the young. The joy of hip hop cannot be denied as it brings smiles among many, with every new metaphor and hard hitting beat...

A Bitter Blow To The Mouth...

Watching the back clips of the fight from last night brings forth a painful vision for the future of British boxing. Huge contrasts can start to take shape from the sorry excuses of today, to the hard hitting greats of British boxing such as the likes of Bruno, Ben, Eubanks and the most recent Lewis. The wannabe pretenders in my eyes have failed to emulate their predecessor’s exploits, evidently falling short. In my opinion Khan needs give a bite into the sweet fruit of humility, as he plays the blame game as a consequence for punching above his own weight." It was like I was against two people in there- the referee and Lamont himself," Said Amir Khan. The replays and highlights will show there are only two fighters in the ring, four individual hands to separate you from winning and losing. A boy whines and complains when his chips are down; a man loses the fight gracefully. He goes on to await his next challenge knowing he will put things right. The glorious sport is in danger of becoming just another soap opera, timidly following in the footsteps of wrestling...

Treat Everyday as a Sunday...

A kid nowadays born into a stable would be labelled a bastard...The stepfather gave him the love which is absent in the hearts of many...The paternal father that was never there would nowadays called a dead beat dad ...No one judged her when she fell pregnant under the label of a virgin...It wasn't debated then when three grown men followed a light to give gifts to a child...The story of Cain and Abel ending in death, two brothers, buts what’s changed, am I my brother’s keeper...A man back from the wilderness ranting about prophecy would nowadays be looked down upon mistaken for a drug addict...The people of Pilate drunk on their own private supply of holy water, hoping to ease the pain in search of a miracle...For the man I share my birth name with if his story managed to leak on the net, we would watch in anticipation silently wishing his ass got torn up... in the name of entertainment...

License To Story Tell...

 "Pass the pad, My turn"

His word was he’s bond, under the all-seeing golden eye

He’s in free fall it’s a damn shame he didn’t realize it sooner

He woke up in a jungle surrounded by so called kings wasting their lives consumed with a lion’s pride

The love of the money exists just don't disregard the man with ten penny's

Think he’s poor but to him he’s spiritually rich

They strove to shoot for the fame, the kid fought he missed his shot, typical story of an underdog

Little did he know the ability that he held, Mr modern day think tank,

But sometimes his thoughts became crushing led him on a path of destruction

Let me formally introduce you to my man's James,

but because he seems he’s doing nothing significant, by the end you all will forget my man's name

He’s stuck in the Jaws of Life, having to make do with every odd job to survive another day in these wild streets paved with conceit

Suffering from the pain hoping that the joy sticks to ease him in transition from downs to ups,

As he comes to terms with life's game

"Do you want the pad back?"

"Nah you can keep it bro! "  

Transition...

A New Year approaches on the horizon, this time of year could said to represent a time of reflection. There's always going to be various problems within society but with it there’s always the opportunity for change. What does the future hold I will never know, if I could would I want to know or would I leave it in the hands of fate. I can’t change the past why play god and medal with the future, I take every day as it comes as nothing within this world is guaranteed, I refuse to fill my mind with expectations. I was born to into this life to live, but I guess I realize now that I was born into this world to survive. As this is probably going to be my last entry for the year I'll leave you with my last thought. What if a bird woke up one day, felt the weight of expectation to great, decided he didn't want to fly today and would rather swim. What then? Try to preoccupy yourself with what’s right in front of you, don't let what you expect to happen rule your life…

Yours truly

Just Another Brother

The Riot Of The Imagination...

It’s easy to brand someone with an opinion on something. Brand someone who stands up against authority and call them a rebel without a cause. The question is why the person deviates out of the pack to stand up passionately for something that they believe in. Everything told to us by our so called superiors doesn't necessarily represent concrete fact, if you possess the ability to think and challenge what’s in front of you; this leads you onto the path individualism. If we all had the same views would there really be a reason behind the art of conversation. The world would appear a much happier place on the surface without controversy, but would this really represent a good quality of life.

Have a moment to think of a life without challenge, a world with nothing in place to push you to your limits and think outside the box. Generally the timid get nowhere within life, waste opportunities because the fright within life has evidently caught up with them upon life's stage. Many have ideas but few share, a grand respect should be given to someone who's willing to make a stand if they can hold their own within an argument. The beauty of a debate can bring enemies closer together, as well as separate existing friendships. Time stops momentarily as emotions collide together and gather pace. Through the expression of emotion can the human soul gradually grow? We experience many emotions during our time on earth, all different as we evolve towards stability.

An individual can sit solitary and complain why life is not going right for them, try to influence to bring others down with them. People are quick to highlight faults with some, delaying the praise which never comes. Sometimes praise can go a long way, can make the foundations for a good day which leads and acts as inspiration for a greater prospect of life. A few good chosen words can be used to motivate the unmotivated. Sometimes I question my own journey, life's filled with questions some questions never answered but would really a son of a carpenter no why the fixed framework of my mind appears to be splintered. Does he notice within the workshop of life he has created, that some of the puppets have started walking by themselves in order to dictate the way of life and have rose above their means to take control of those who struggle for guidance.

Human vanity dominates within the world; the puppets choose to refract the light of reality, which they distort with lies which are feed to the masses at will. Is his purpose solely to steer me towards reason but why does my mind show signs of being conflicted, I refuse to ask for advice as I am far from a religious man. Am I stubborn or just stuck in my ways, do I appear to be childish as I stay very much in tune with my everlasting opinions. The inner ravings of my thoughts being the secrets of my soul, most of them I'll die with. There are no limits to an imagination, once you lose the ability to think for yourself you limit the ability to live. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride to maintain the balance, to silence the inner riot, as some things go without saying...